Feelings are an Indicator not a Dictator.

So many times in relationships we allow our feeling to tell us what to do.  Numerous young adults have come and talked about their current relationship.  When they express things are in limbo or on a break, they follow up by saying that there red flags and are taking a step back.   Initially it seems like they have their head on straight and understand the relationship is not good for them.  When I ask, “What is stopping you from walking away?”  “Why are you answering their call?”  “Why are you still putting so much energy into this?”  Their response is always, “My head tells me no, but my heart is saying yes.”

Of course your heart is saying yes.  Everyone wants to be loved and valued.  Everyone wants someone special in their life.  That is absolutely natural.  I caution toying around and letting your “heart,” also known as, your feelings, keep you in a place that is preventing you from finding someone who is a good fit. Someone that will love and value you how you deserve!!   Just a hint, if you are in a hurry or rush to get into a relationship you may not see things for what they really are.  In addition, being in denial of reality after you have invested so much time. Taking the time to be someone’s friend first is beneficial in seeing one’s true character.  It is our feelings that get in the way and rush things.  But let’s be honest…anyone can put on a “face” for the first 6 months… so many will claim to be one thing but by the end of 6 months you start to see something totally different.  From there is when most people will try to “help” their partner be all that they claimed they were in the beginning.

Our feelings will lie to us.  “I am worthless, who will love me?”  “If I love them, then maybe they will love me back.”  Think about that for just a minute.  If we talk about ourselves this way, what will stop someone we are dating from talking to us that way?

If they call you names, don’t answer your call, drill you on where you go and who you talk to, make you pay for everything, flirt with others, only seem to really love you after sex….all that won’t change when you are married.  Someone who really values you will have value themselves.  They care more about your well-being than their own.  That speaks volumes when you are looking for a life partner.

Feelings come and go.  You choose who you love and you choose who you hate.  Grass is not greener on the other side.  It’s green where you water it.  Take the time to take care of yourself.  And take the time to see someone’s true character before you make a commitment.  Just a thought.

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