Last week I presented to 7th graders about healthy relationships. You’d think that 7th grade is a bit too early to talk about this kind of thing, but in all reality they have started “dating” and there are a handful of 7th graders that are sexually active. During the presentation when I mentioned words like “intimacy” the students would giggle and squirm. It was pretty hilarious. What they do not realize is in just a few short years that word will become something they will diligently seek. I couldn’t help but notice a few girls getting the attention of one boy. It was obvious he was annoyed by them and the more annoyed he got, the more the girls tried. He had skinny jeans, high tops, white t-shirt, black leather jacket, he strutted when he walked and the girls ran back and forth discussing something else they could go over there with. What a hoot!! It reminds me of a conversation I had with a 17 year old recently. This kid said, “Why is it when I really like someone, suddenly all the girls are showing interest in me?” Why?
Well let me tell you…
1. We want what we cannot have.
2. We want what everyone else wants.
3. We love competition.
Simple right? Then this 17 year old continued by saying, “I have not told these girls I like someone, but it’s like they sense it.” I explained that his attention is diverted and girls will definitely sense it. They know when they have lost persuasion and favor. They have a love/hate relationship with it. Look at these 7th graders, it starts that young!!
You may have heard it said before that, “Girls play at sex in order to get love and guys play at love in order to get sex.” Although true for most, not true for all. As a matter of fact, those who value themselves will not play. They simply do not need or want fake intimacy. They seek out emotional intimacy that will gain them understanding of the other person, learn their character, values, and dreams. They will give it the due time to see if what they say is true. They do not entertain liars, cheaters and so forth. They understand they cannot change anyone. But most importantly, they will walk away from someone whose character doe not line up with theirs.
The more they stand on their own two feet the more desirable they become and the more desirable they become, the more quality they attract and don’t even entertain unfavorable qualities. This takes time, but why be in a hurry? What is a few months in comparison to years wasted? Why run to physical intimacy? Because they may cheat or leave? Really? Glad to know before you say, “I do!” Right? Reality is, you are going to go through a few doozy’s before you recognize the real deal. Now be glad you didn’t give too much away!!
You cannot give anything in a relationship you do not have. So with that being said:
1. If you do not value yourself, you will only attract those who will not value you.
2. If you do not know yourself, your identity will be lost by your significant other.
3. If you define yourself according to what others say, you will never see your true potential.
4. If you do not love yourself, how will you know to love others?
5. If you are not okay with being alone, how will you ever be okay with someone?
Fake it til you make it. Don’t be cocky, be confident in who you are. Smile, put your shoulders back and act confident even when you don’t feel it. Set a standard to be someone’s friend for the first 6 months before dating them. You will be amazed what you learn in that time. NO FRIENDS WITH “BENEFITS.” Learn what they really value.