Four Fundamentals in Relationships

Four Fundamentals of Human needs:
A Sense of Worth-if missing, we feel inferior.
A Sense of Belonging-if missing, we feel insecure.
A Sense of Purpose-if missing we feel illegitimate.
A Sense of Competence-if missing we feel inadequate.

How then should we respond to these needs in relationships?
Settle this within yourself before entering a relationship. No one can do this for you.
Realize our personal worth and security does not come from who we are dating.
We should never place our emotional health in the hands of another.
We must release people from the expectation that they will meet our basic needs.
So what does this all mean? It means the only person you can change is yourself.

For the most fulfillment in life, you need to have these Four Fundamental Needs met. One thing that holds us back is forgiveness. You may need to forgive yourself, someone else, or both. Let’s get one thing straight, when you forgive, it is not saying what happened is “okay,” but it is not letting it control your life. With life experience you gain wisdom. Use it. If you cannot keep these Four Basic Fundamental Needs in check, it’s likely the relationship you are in is not healthy. Think of it this way, when we operate out of fear or hurt in relationships it’s like trying to drive your car looking in the rear view mirror. If you are anything like me, you can do that pretty well for a while…but at some point the car is going to spin out of control. We all do much better looking through the full windshield with our eyes wide open; we stay alerted to the “blind spots,” we either go cautiously or listen to those in riding with us. We only glance in our mirrors. The rear view mirror is very important. That mirror is to take a glance and see where you have come from, to see what’s going on, and continue to make wise driving decisions as you move forward. You are the driver, you are the only one who can keep these basic needs met. If you have no idea where to even start, maybe consider a one-to-one coffee meeting with me. Sometimes new insight and perspective is all we need to get ourselves back on the road, driving our lives in a way that fulfills us deep within. If you are solid in this, way to keep yourself in check and if you want coffee too, let’s go. This girl is always up for a mocha. 😉 The first step is dealing with the things that hold you back from being fulfilled. Setting proper boundaries, having standards, and the strength to live by those standards.

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