First, let’s define happy endings… It isn’t just in fairy tales. Whether you are a guy or a girl, you deserve a relationship that builds you up rather than tears you down. When we talk “happy endings” we all believe it’s supposed to be this glorious beautiful, automatic thing. But have you ever thought about all those fairy tales you watched growing up? They all end with, “And they lived happily ever after.” We forget to realize the work they put in to get there. The happy ending did not come first. There were giants to face, dragons to slay, witches to destroy, and so forth. Why did they do it? Because they were noble honorable men, they were saving the princess and something they fought so hard for, brought them to love. Not one of these fairy tales had a princess chasing the prince. (Now there is a movie opportunity.) As a matter of fact the prince would have died for her. Good thing he didn’t, because that would make the fairy tale end fast and there goes the “happy ending.” (Unless he was a psychopath, in that case, it would have been a “happier” ending.) But let’s be really honest, if he is willing to slay the dragon, this guy is a good guy. 😉 The prince, worked for her, pursued her, respected her and most importantly, treated her like a princess! How awesome is that? Who doesn’t want to be fought for?
I believe at the core of every man is a drive to fight for his woman and win her. Not win her as in have sex, but win her as in she is a trophy on his arm. The question is, is she the trophy you brag about and show off the rest of your life? Or is she a trophy you put on the shelf collecting dust for the rest of “happily ever after” that the future wife gets to deal with? What determines which one she will be? She does. How she views and treats herself and others will determine how dusty she gets. The princess is classy… but it wasn’t like the she didn’t have to fight, there were definitely obstacles in her way. She fought for her man as well! But before she even fought she knew she was classy, believed she was classy, and acted classy. They both did their part to the best of their ability and in the end they lived happily ever after. So to define a “happy ending” it’s something they chose, its love. (You can’t give anything away you do not have for yourself)
If you don’t know this, you need to; you are worth someone slaying the dragon for, someone to work and fight for.
So here is the deal, I am not going to sell you a gimmick on how to “please” your partner so you can live happily ever after. Quite honestly, I get really sick and tired of these articles and blogs that give you all the sex tips and nothing that provides any foundation to a relationship that can last. The last thing you need is another message of sex. Let’s be honest, anymore people hook up with “no strings attached” and I am pretty sure another sex tip isn’t going to get them to “keep and value you” if you haven’t figured that out. That is nothing but a “dusty trophy.” I don’t care who or what your preferences are.
Times have definitely changed. But the motive and desires of humans have not. Just the way we go about it has. Not that many years ago, only about 25…it wasn’t considered “lady-like” to pursue a guy. The girl put her best foot forward to be noticed but when the guy finally asked her out he showed up at the girl’s home, met the dad, showed respect, waited for sex until marriage, and if you think about it, people got married young. The guy wasn’t going to wait until 30 years of age for sex. If he loved her, wanted the perks of having her, he married her. (No internet options in this generation and that is a whole other blog…) In addition, people didn’t divorce as easy. I know many from the older generation (older is 70’s plus, not 40’s….that is the middle aged, not “older” just want to clarify) that were in domestic abuse situations and they stuck it out. You didn’t divorce. Dealing with an unplanned pregnancy? People shipped their daughters off to have the baby, placed them for adoption, and they came back from a “long holiday.” The crazy thing is…is that really wasn’t that long ago? (Like when the “middle aged” adults were in elementary.)
“Hooking up,” it’s a very common and accepted term. I have sat with countless girls in tears telling me their story of “hooking up.” They got a sexually transmitted infections, are pregnant, the guy forced them to take the Morning After Pill. They feel degraded. I just sat with a 20 year old girl who has “known” this guy for years, they started hooking up. She doesn’t sleep around; this is the only guy she does this with. She told me how recently he started texting her that he misses her. On their last “hook up” their condom broke and she just found out she is pregnant. She went back and forth on did he really mean that he missed me? Does he really like me? Does he truly value me? Or did that mean he missed me because he wants to have sex with me? This young woman cried her eyes out as she told me how scared she it to tell this guy she is pregnant. She is embarrassed and ashamed because she thought she knew him but now that she is pregnant, she realizes she doesn’t know him at all. Believe it or not, this is very common. And guess what, some guys struggle with that very thing, the girl just using them. They too deal with this and get STI’s and are faced with unplanned pregnancies.
Over the next seven days I am going to write specifically to the most common areas young adults are dealing with. From finding the right one, to knowing if they are the right one, and all the issues in between. I promise to keep it to the point and as practical as I can get it. I will write about stories and share with you the basics of relationships. At any point if you need personal coffee time to talk through your own situation just schedule a Relationship Coaching session. Some young adults meet me once, some once a week, and others on and off over time. If you need that call 320-252-4150 and say you want to schedule a relationship coaching session. We can meet at Starbucks, Caribou, or if you don’t want to be in public we can have coffee at Birthline. (This is a women’s resource center for those faced with an unplanned pregnancy, but it also believes in you and wants you to be successful in your relationships, therefore they provide free relationship coaching for young adults. They are the ones that are statistically the highest ranked age faced with an unplanned pregnancy and STI.) I’m someone to listen and give you another perspective and teach you the tools for happy endings.
Here is what I leave you with. Love is a choice. Not a feeling. It’s not something you just “hope for.” It’s something you choose. We should not make decisions based on feelings. We make choices and our feelings will follow, we just want immediate gratification. With that being said, you choose who you love, you choose who you hate. Those “feelings” will follow your choice. But it starts with you…value yourself enough to be treated like a prince or princess. If you settle then that is what you get in the end. Every fairy tale has its mountains to climb, it’s not perfect, and it’s not easy. But in the end you get the happy ending. How do I define a “happy ending?” When two people choose to love one another, fight for one another, respect each other, and do the daily work it takes to better the relationship. Hope to see you over the next 7 days.
The topics for the next seven days are:
Day 1-Intimacy-there is two kinds and one does not equal the other. This is what gets a lot of people…
Day 3-Seven sign of successful relationships.
Day 4- Truth about STI’s and what to do if you have one.
Day 5-Trust-how to build it, how to get it back.
Day 6-Key questions to get answers to.
Day 7- Marriage- What’s the big deal?