Is This Love? How Do I Know? 10 Ways to Tell.

Relationships take work.  That is why it is super important to understand love is a choice, it takes work, and self-sacrifice. It is important to realize there are seasons of ups and downs.  How you handle the down seasons will determine the future of the relationship.  It can bring you closer or tear you apart. If you need help sorting this out let’s talk over a mocha.

10 Ways to Tell If You Are Infatuated or In Love:

  1. Love grows from a friendship- It is a friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time. Infatuation is instant desire. It is one set of glands calling to another. Think of it this way, list all the character qualities you love about your closest friends.  Honest, funny, loyal, trustworthy, patient, there for you.  It took a lot of time to get to a place of truly knowing the person they are. The qualities you like in the people closest to you are the same kinds of qualities you want in the person you marry. So instead of jumping into a relationship and putting responsibility on you both right away, get to know them as friends and focus on that.
  2. Love is not selfish-it does not seek it’s own.  It is not looking to the other person to bring them “happiness.”  It is looking at the other person and what they need first.  It’s absolutely incredible when two people whether newly dating to being married for years actually selflessly give.
  3. Love is “I love you.” It’s not, “if you love me you would…” Seriously, so many people use love as a source of proving something and it is usually at the cost of the other person. Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the “dream.”
  4. Love is patient with imperfections-just as you were or have been patient with your friends with their imperfections, you are with this person you want to build a life with.  Think about it, have you ever ticked off your best friend?  Have they ever ticked you off?  Of course!!  In those times your relationship grew and you learned who you can trust and who you cannot.  It all comes down to the trust factor.  The most important thing is, is there LASTING growth?  No one is perfect, but are they committed to growing?
  5. Love is not blind, infatuation is.  Love sees truth and accepts the truth. When you love someone you are calm, secure and unthreatened. Your significant other feels that also and it makes them even more trustworthy. Infatuation lacks confidence. When he/she is away you wonder if he/she is cheating. Sometimes you check.
  6. Love is trust, it’s not being interrogated every two minutes.  “Where were you?  Who were you with? How long were you there? I saw the way you looked at them, you want them don’t you?”  If you are dealing with extreme jealousy you need to really stop and think about this relationship because it’s going to drain you of you…
  7. Infatuation is based on physical attraction, someone’s status or position, as where love looks at the whole person.  Picture the person you “love” with no teeth.  They can never get dentures.  How they looking now?  Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers. Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. If you are honest, you can admit it is difficult to be in one another’s company unless you are sure it will end– in physical intimacy.
  8. Love makes you a better person verses infatuation is instant desire.  If you truly love someone you want them to succeed because then you succeed!!  Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret later, but love never will.
  9. Love does what’s best for others verses choosing only for the moment.  If anyone is pressuring you to do things that will hold you back from your dreams and goals, take note because 20 years from now you will look back with regrets. Love says, “Be patient. Do not panic. Plan your future with confidence. “Infatuation says, “We must get married right away! I can’t risk losing you!“
  10. Love is quiet understanding and the mature acceptance of the other person. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you. You are warmed by his/her presence even when he/she is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him/her nearer, but near or far, you know he/she is yours and you can wait.

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