Marriage is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make that will impact the rest of your life.
I have been married 20 years. My husband and I have walked through many trials, (oh the things I could tell/teach you,) but we are both committed to marriage, and that is huge. When one of our son’s was about 16 we were driving together as a family. Out of nowhere he said, “When I get my divorce…” (I about jumped in the back seat and put him in a choke hold.) Instead I said, “WHAT?” He continued by saying, “What? Everyone gets a divorce…” I stopped in my tracks and was floored. I recalled a time that my husband and I were really struggling. We thought all the kids were outside playing so we sat on the couch to figure things out. Needless to say we were very irritated with one another and our tone projected that. Suddenly around the corner came this same son, about 10 years old , crying. He said, “Are you guys going to get a divorce?” I explained to him that he wants his parents to talk and work things out and that no; we are not getting a divorce. His response broke my heart. He said, “That’s what all my friends parents told my friends, but they all got divorced.” Quite honestly I was furious. My son expects this to be “normal.”
Over the last 20+ years I have watched the internet re-shape our youth and desensitize them. Honestly it is very hard to watch. I was one of the last generations to grow up without all this technology. The desires of the heart are the same, but the way people go about it is different. So many people getting a divorce for the sake of “happiness,” that’s one of the biggest lies people fall into. What people don’t bank on is the aftershock on their lives, their kids, ex’s, family, friends and their job.
Have you ever heard the saying, “The grass is greener on the other side?” Well the grass is greener where you water it. One of my divorced friends told me when she wanted her divorce the grass looked greener on the other side, but when she got there she had to trudge through mud. That’s why it was greener over there. As a married couple it is your responsibility to water each other’s grass. When they are in a drought it is your responsibility to help them.
When it comes to sex, we tend to jump in and give everything away. It has turned into such a socially acceptable, almost expected thing. We all act like it’s “no big deal.” But isn’t it? Sex’s purpose is so much more profound than what we give it credit. It is truly meant to be a blessing, the “glue” in a marriage. If you are a guy, listen up, women NEED to trust for total sexual pleasure. You want her to really embrace sex in a way that will fulfill you beyond anything you ever thought? Commit to her, keep her heart near and dear to yours. Protect her, respect her, and love her. In return she is going to come under your arm and embrace you back. Knowing you have only eyes for her and that is enough. You don’t want a “porn star,” (we don’t bring those girls home to mom…) instead you want a woman who is confident and genuine. Treat her like a queen and she will respond like a queen.
I was driving with some young teen girls once and I asked them what their virginity was worth. A couple of them threw out, $1,000 another $10,000. Then one said, “His life.” The girl that said that understands that marriage gives you something cohabitation cannot, security. If you truly want to live happily ever after you need someone to commit to you and give you security.
What is the secret to staying married? Never make divorce an option.
Make the decision to marry someone you can give your whole heart to and trust them. That they will love you and put you first in everything, it is the best gift you can give someone. Do the work, treat your spouse with respect, dignity and grace. It’s a process but if you stay committed and work at it you will be successful.
Water each other’s grass.