The word relationship can mean many things to many different people. A relationship could remind you of pain, hurt, judgement or lack of measuring up. For some people it could be the current joy, comfort and happiness in your life. So the question is how can one word mean the exact opposite to different people? How can something that produces so much positive to one person bring so much brokenness to another. A famous organization that deals with people in relationships wrote everybody wants have a happy relationship. But part of the struggle in our lives is that we believe happiness is defined by a relationship?
Now to some of you this may seem like a negative nancy conversation, but I believe that one of the biggest downfalls is that we try and have a relationship define our happiness. So what happens when that person fails? What happens when they aren’t perfect? What happens when their imperfections and their past shows through? Many times we are left unhappy and wondering is there really something better out there than this.
I was sitting in a class asking students what their hopes and dreams are and a student raised his hand and said he just wants to be happy. It caught me off guard, but isn’t that what we all want? We all want happiness in our lives. Happiness can come from relationships. Some of the best moments in my life are a product of relationships. But no relationship is perfect and no one is perfect. The truth is that all of us have imperfections and when you get two imperfect people together there isn’t this instant magical perfection that is created.
So when getting into a relationship here are 3 simply things to remember that will help with keeping your relationship strong even through some of the most difficult times.
- No relationship or person can make you happy, mad or sad.
- Seems like a weird idea, but if they can make you mad, they have a power over your emotions. Today choose to take control of your emotions. No person or relationship has power over you. If your relationship is always leaving you angry and upset. Then choose today to not choose those emotions define your state of being. Don’t let your happiness depend on what someone else does to you. You choose your life and the emotions you want to feel in that day. Yes things will impact us, but how you respond is the choice you make. Forgiveness releases you from what that other person did, not release that person from what they did. Life comes with hiccups. First set your standards. Second, live by them. Third, expect others to respect them. Which leads to our next point.
- Look for patterns and not potential.
- I hear a lot of people say, “but they have so much potential.” And it is usually followed by a long conversation of they really can do so much more than where they are currently. “I see so much potential, but…” Everyone has potential, but unfortunately if they show a pattern of cheating, the pattern will continue to happen. We all want to see the best in people and hope they do better in life, but until a person chooses to change the pattern the potential will never happen. YOU cannot change them. If YOU are changing for them, then you are not living by your standard, which means they are not your standards they are suggestions for your relationship. What are their patterns in previous relationships? What are their patterns with their finances? What is their pattern in their emotions?
- Are you healthy?
- This may sound weird and many of us think about physical health, but the real question is “Are you emotionally healthy?” Are you still dealing with hurt and pain from previous relationships? Because if you haven’t dealt with that, (forgive) you will continue to bring that hurt and pain into every single relationship. Do you have fears from a parent’s relationship and wonder could this happen to me? Deal with those things before you start a relationship because no man or woman is going to fix that. You have to face your anger, hurt and fears head on. Otherwise it’s a cycle.
EMERGE is here to help you break these cycles, set boundaries and standards. They will give you a new perspective and coach you in how to move forward in a healthy manner. They provide lots of information from their Relationship Toolbox. To schedule an appointment call (320)-252-4150 or text us at (320) 200-4306.