Everyone desires to have “a spark” in their relationship and wants to keep it going throughout the life of the relationship. Countless couples complain about losing “the spark” in their relationship. Some say it is differences that have shown up, slowly growing apart or just becoming too familiar. The loss of “the spark” has caused people to lose hope in their relationships or has caused them to search for it in new relationships.
“The Spark” that so many people talk about is actually intimacy, but real intimacy does not always look like a lovey-dovey happy every moment of the day kind of intimacy. One of the biggest lies we have believed in relationships is that love is a feeling. True love is not based on a feeling it is about a choice. A phrase I say a lot is, “I don’t like my husband everyday, but I love him everyday.” May sound mean, but it is true. In every friendship or relationship, we all have moments where someone does something that frustrates us. You can choose to let your feelings rule your relationships. It is your choice to choose love or to choose to not love.
Many people use the phrase we just fell out of love with each other, however if you can fall out of love means that you can fall into love which means that intimacy can be created or broken in seconds. Studies show that intimacy takes time to grow and trust is built through that time. If intimacy takes time, love takes time, and the longer you are together the deeper the intimacy and the deeper the love.
Now with some of the basics laid out there that you choose to grow apart and you choose to grow closer, the main question of how to keep “the spark” still needs to be answered.
When people start a relationship, it is fun and full of adventures. You and your partner are trying out new adventures and creating first moments. One way to keep “the spark” alive is to keep sharing adventures. Life gets busy and time seems limited, but if you keep dreaming and adventures at the front of the relationships intimacy grows in those moments. Sharing new experiences reveals vulnerability that is not always shown in everyday life. Create moments where you do things the other person loves to do and invest in each other You want the spark, SHARE NEW ADVENTURES.
As a mom with kids and a busy schedule, my conversations are filled with facts and information and I miss out on the relational conversation that is a necessity for relationships to thrive. Be open and share what you are experiencing in life. Stay close to each other not out of obligation, but on a real level to help develop and grow your relationship. Maybe you have grown distant because you have neglected taking time to talk about things other than every day life. TAKE TIME TO TALK.
If you have been in any relationship for a long time, you know that we can tend to catalog any negative traits or things someone has done. Keeping track of other people’s wrongs can cause us to harbor anger towards our significant other.Built up anger can cause use to become cynical in relationships. With a cynical attitude, we struggle to find the positive outlook on anything. We become pessimistic in our relationships which can cause your spouse to feel hopeless about the future of the relationship. Be open with your significant other about your frustrations and remember to keep an open mind.
For more about EMERGE, give us a call at 320-252-4150 or text us at 320-200-4306.Keep