Fifty Shades of Gray – What it is Teaching about Sex & Relationships

While lots of women are fantasizing about the rich, sexy, smart, controlling and abusive Christian Grey of fiction, there are lots of women that are dealing with living in this environment every day.

The popularity of “Fifty Shades of Grey” among women also sends a message to men that unrestrained domination is what women want.  And, educated by porn, they know how to do it.  A majority of men have been regularly feeding their mind of this kind of violent sex and degradation through porn for many many years.  Ana Bridges, a researcher at the University of Arkansas, conducted a study that found that 89 percent of the most popular porn scenes involved violence.  Porn will show you that women enjoy torture and violence, and now “Fifty Shades of Grey” is tacking on an un-realistic fairy-tale ending, convincing women that this type of relationship is normal and that they should just give in.

Sexual violence is on the rise in our military, colleges, families and even on the street.  It is no wonder that these are the consequences when violence is made to be sexy.  The National Center on Sexual Exploitation website,, details 50 problems with this disturbing trend in the media.  This project comes in an effort to educate the public on how sexual exploitation affects society on both individual and public health levels.

The movie is selling itself as an exciting love story and making people believe that this is what true love should be like.  Abuse is inexcusable, even when the abuser was abused during their childhood.  People need to be held accountable and responsible for the pain that they cause on others.  An abuser is someone who tries to buy your love, tells you what to eat or how to dress.  They will isolate you from your friends and family and claim that they want you to be all theirs.  The abuser monitors who you are texting, talking to and watches your every move.  They try to justify their jealousy with making you feel that they just want all of you and that you belong to them.  Sometimes this can make someone feel good about themselves because they have never had someone show them that kind of attention so they think this is what love looks like.  You may feel like you can change that person.  You think if I am just with them long enough then I can make a difference and change who they are and that they will overcome their abusive tendencies.  The “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie portrays Christian Grey as a sexy billionaire who just needs to be loved so it easily convinces the audiences around the world that this type of behavior is ok.  His classy, rich and educated character is very attractive.  We tend not not think that people like this character would not be abusive.

It’s not cool to support the twisted ways this movie portrays sexual relationships.  Speak up and share these thoughts with others.  Spread the word that this movie is anything but a true happy healthy love story.

So what does a healthy relationship look like?  

-You share the same basic values, morals and life goals

-There is trust between the both of you

-You both keep your own identity in the relationship

-Spend quality time together and quality time apart

-You should always feel safe in communicating your needs to each other

-Respect that you have your own thoughts and opinions and differences

-Set and share realistic expectations in the relationship

-Bring your best strengths to the relationships.  When one is weak the other will be strong and supportive of the other

-Honor each others families and friends.  Always maintain healthy boundaries in your relationship with each other and those around you.


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